When do you get your back up, dig in and resist? This question evokes a very visceral response in me; I can literally feel my hackles rise. I know exactly what type of situation draws this response from me.
First, I'll just say that, in the past, certain people close to me have labeled me as "relentless." This is in reference to my hanging onto an issue, when I feel I'm right, like the proverbial "dog with a bone." In recent years, I've been examining how important it is for me to always be right. Learning to let go of ego becomes more important to me, as I age. I don't think I am overly invested in being right (maybe I used to be).
But I am very invested in being held -- the true me, in the other's understanding and regard. And I feel that this issue only arises in very close relationships when I'm not being heard or understood.
In group settings, I can often experience a completely different reaction to what's happening with people I'm not particularly intimate with. I tend to disengage. It's almost as if I see myself psychically receding from what is transpiring while remaining physically present...if a conversation doesn't really interest me or is otherwise somehow uncomfortable. It feels like my energy level drops significantly and I'm simply there, but not there.
On the contrary, if someone close or important tries to convince me, too strenuously, of a certain point of view or push an action that he/she thinks I should take or a way I should be feeling, I drop out of the conversation, (since it's apparent I've been omitted anyway). I pull back, similar to the above situation, but in this instance, the internal energy is building. The skin around my face and neck tightens (yes, literally stiff-necked is what I am). The heat is rising. The resistance is definitely there; I feel it and eventually the other person feels it too. It's as if I have stepped back far enough, and my survival (or my ego's) is at stake. Now there is just my silent but evident refusal to engage. Since I appear to be invisible anyway!
— DMRS
First, I'll just say that, in the past, certain people close to me have labeled me as "relentless." This is in reference to my hanging onto an issue, when I feel I'm right, like the proverbial "dog with a bone." In recent years, I've been examining how important it is for me to always be right. Learning to let go of ego becomes more important to me, as I age. I don't think I am overly invested in being right (maybe I used to be).
But I am very invested in being held -- the true me, in the other's understanding and regard. And I feel that this issue only arises in very close relationships when I'm not being heard or understood.
In group settings, I can often experience a completely different reaction to what's happening with people I'm not particularly intimate with. I tend to disengage. It's almost as if I see myself psychically receding from what is transpiring while remaining physically present...if a conversation doesn't really interest me or is otherwise somehow uncomfortable. It feels like my energy level drops significantly and I'm simply there, but not there.
On the contrary, if someone close or important tries to convince me, too strenuously, of a certain point of view or push an action that he/she thinks I should take or a way I should be feeling, I drop out of the conversation, (since it's apparent I've been omitted anyway). I pull back, similar to the above situation, but in this instance, the internal energy is building. The skin around my face and neck tightens (yes, literally stiff-necked is what I am). The heat is rising. The resistance is definitely there; I feel it and eventually the other person feels it too. It's as if I have stepped back far enough, and my survival (or my ego's) is at stake. Now there is just my silent but evident refusal to engage. Since I appear to be invisible anyway!
— DMRS
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