I grew up thinking there were two ways to be strong. One was showing how the world valued you, and this could be having the accouterments of a good life: money, position, nice house, nice friends. The other was being mentally balanced, seemingly like you were taking care of it all with aplomb. On both counts, I knew I was going to struggle. To this day I feel like I’m struggling, even when outwardly I probably seem okay.
Lately it feels like I have to find a different way to be strong, and so I’m reading up on this. Lots of psych texts talking about strength in vulnerability, and valuing intrinsic qualities like integrity. I’m not quite embracing these things yet, but what is interesting is realizing how much everyone else struggles to look strong. It makes me feel better to know how much we’re all chasing these extrinsic markers of value, and what really matters. What has helped me do this the most?
The Money Diaries.
These web-published stories of how much someone spends in a week are much more than how they value money and lifestyle, it also shows what do with their day, what they value with their time. This is fascinating to me because, even when I’ve learned that having a nice house, nice job etc is all superficial, what is really important is how you spend your time and who you spend it with.
One thing is clear from Money Diary authors: we spend a lot of time alone or with just one person. Most meals are alone, sometimes with a partner in the evening. A lot of people have dogs. A lot of people spend time watching tv, or coasting the internet. No surprise but it’s interesting to see this pile up as the main activity if people aren’t working. It’s really hard to fill days with singular, super-fun activities, but for some reason I thought that’s what people were doing with their time. Like everyone else was living like characters in a sitcom, with lots of interesting life events and moments. So now I realize that’s really what I thought was confidence, having that kind of life. Maybe some people have super-charged, but it really isn’t the essence of our days. What does seem to matter in the end is whether you feel strong in what you’ve decided to do with our limited time on earth. Whether it’s being with family/friends, or feeling secure or getting a nobel prize or having a great pet or reading great books. To embrace this time fully.
I keep wondering what it would be like if I felt like my time was being used well. I’d go to sleep every night thinking, ‘wow, that was a great day, with lots of moments that felt meaningful and I’m pretty sure tomorrow will be the same’. It sounds wonderful, maybe writing will help me get there.
— siobhan
Lately it feels like I have to find a different way to be strong, and so I’m reading up on this. Lots of psych texts talking about strength in vulnerability, and valuing intrinsic qualities like integrity. I’m not quite embracing these things yet, but what is interesting is realizing how much everyone else struggles to look strong. It makes me feel better to know how much we’re all chasing these extrinsic markers of value, and what really matters. What has helped me do this the most?
The Money Diaries.
These web-published stories of how much someone spends in a week are much more than how they value money and lifestyle, it also shows what do with their day, what they value with their time. This is fascinating to me because, even when I’ve learned that having a nice house, nice job etc is all superficial, what is really important is how you spend your time and who you spend it with.
One thing is clear from Money Diary authors: we spend a lot of time alone or with just one person. Most meals are alone, sometimes with a partner in the evening. A lot of people have dogs. A lot of people spend time watching tv, or coasting the internet. No surprise but it’s interesting to see this pile up as the main activity if people aren’t working. It’s really hard to fill days with singular, super-fun activities, but for some reason I thought that’s what people were doing with their time. Like everyone else was living like characters in a sitcom, with lots of interesting life events and moments. So now I realize that’s really what I thought was confidence, having that kind of life. Maybe some people have super-charged, but it really isn’t the essence of our days. What does seem to matter in the end is whether you feel strong in what you’ve decided to do with our limited time on earth. Whether it’s being with family/friends, or feeling secure or getting a nobel prize or having a great pet or reading great books. To embrace this time fully.
I keep wondering what it would be like if I felt like my time was being used well. I’d go to sleep every night thinking, ‘wow, that was a great day, with lots of moments that felt meaningful and I’m pretty sure tomorrow will be the same’. It sounds wonderful, maybe writing will help me get there.
— siobhan
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