I’m reading, actually listening, to this book “The Way to Integrity”, by Martha beck. The premise is that if you’re not being your authentic self and living your authentic life, eg what you really want to do, then you’re doomed to misery.
I picked this book because I’m wanting to find an excuse to leave my job, to find my true calling in life before it’s too late. So I listened intensely for 4 days while Martha told me that doing stuff I didn’t like would make me sick, that climbing Mount Delectable, eg coveting money and power is just a societal construct that I’m falsely believing applies to me.
I want to believe her, to move into a totally different way of life, and listen to my true nature, but it’s really hard since the things I care about (traveling, sitting around reading books, being in Vermont next to a lake) do seem to require money. And I do seem to like some power, at least the power to do clinical research, which you can’t do on your own.
So I’m torn about what to keep. My husband tells me I should hang on until age 50, and then I can feel like I’ve done a full earning/career. I tell myself I should at least figure out what else I’d want to do while I still have a job, but nothing seems super authentic. In fact, I felt frustrated by this author who kept saying, hey, I did this and now I write, and it was a struggle, but now I’m soooo happy. Because of course there are a ton of people who want to write, and in fact do write, but won’t find success in it, at least not via publishing and having a lot of people read their work. Martha for sure had a leg up on this with a famous father, and being able to use societal constructs like ‘Harvard-educated’ to get more credibility.
Argh! So I see I’m pushing back against this idea of being truly authentic because I just don’t fully believe this is how you survive in this world. Yet again, there must be some way you can try. One of the things the book suggests is not lying about anything for a certain amount of time, being absolutely truthful about how you feel. I guess I can try this for a while, and see how this works.
— siobhan
I picked this book because I’m wanting to find an excuse to leave my job, to find my true calling in life before it’s too late. So I listened intensely for 4 days while Martha told me that doing stuff I didn’t like would make me sick, that climbing Mount Delectable, eg coveting money and power is just a societal construct that I’m falsely believing applies to me.
I want to believe her, to move into a totally different way of life, and listen to my true nature, but it’s really hard since the things I care about (traveling, sitting around reading books, being in Vermont next to a lake) do seem to require money. And I do seem to like some power, at least the power to do clinical research, which you can’t do on your own.
So I’m torn about what to keep. My husband tells me I should hang on until age 50, and then I can feel like I’ve done a full earning/career. I tell myself I should at least figure out what else I’d want to do while I still have a job, but nothing seems super authentic. In fact, I felt frustrated by this author who kept saying, hey, I did this and now I write, and it was a struggle, but now I’m soooo happy. Because of course there are a ton of people who want to write, and in fact do write, but won’t find success in it, at least not via publishing and having a lot of people read their work. Martha for sure had a leg up on this with a famous father, and being able to use societal constructs like ‘Harvard-educated’ to get more credibility.
Argh! So I see I’m pushing back against this idea of being truly authentic because I just don’t fully believe this is how you survive in this world. Yet again, there must be some way you can try. One of the things the book suggests is not lying about anything for a certain amount of time, being absolutely truthful about how you feel. I guess I can try this for a while, and see how this works.
— siobhan
I am wishing you well with this tough decision and deep personal inquiry. You are already telling yourself important truths here!
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