I want to believe that we are formed in the womb to be God’s servant, and that there’s a plan for each of us, and that we are each special – or, more honestly, that I’m special. I want a mission. I want a purpose. I want vision – and I want instructions.
I feel like I’m coasting through life. I have so much abundance – I am definitely not a suffering servant. Am I serving? Whom? Is it enough?
Should I be doing more? Should I be doing something else? If so, what? And is that instead of or in addition to what I’m already doing? Is there one purpose, one right answer, and I just haven’t figured it out yet? Are there multiple purposes, some right for some times, and some right for others?
Is there even a plan for me, or am I on my own?
That’s the most terrifying question of all, and one that I don’t think I’ve even allowed myself to ask.
Of course there’s a plan, Megan. He knew you from your mother’s womb, he’s counted your hairs, all of that stuff… I’ve heard it all since Sunday School. Jesus loves every one of us (yeah but there are SO MANY PEOPLE). God knows each of us all intimately (yeah but does he CARE?). I know a lot of individuals, too, but I rarely even think about most of them, let alone actively contemplate their wellbeing.
It’s like a manager with too many direct reports… the squeaky wheel might get some grease, and the poor performers might get some discipline, but everyone else who’s doing okay doesn’t get a lot of mindspace. I’ve always been okay with that. I don’t like being micromanaged – but that’s by human bosses who may or may not even know what my job is, much less how to do it better.
God does know how to do my job better. I want more guidance. I want more training. I want to be micromanaged, because that would at least indicate that he knows who I am. It’s hard trying to do your best to be a good Christian without any sort of feedback whatsoever. I’m tired.
I’m tired today. I’m tired right now. It’s Holy Week and there’s pain and suffering in the world and I know that Easter is coming but Good Friday has to come first. My Good Friday will be appropriately somber, but will turn into celebration. Some people’s won’t. Jesus, the suffering servant, had something worth suffering for, and he knew it explicitly. That kept him going.
I’m not suffering, but if I ever do, I want that strength. I don’t know if I have it, because there’s no prophecy written about me. I don’t have a job description – I just have ambiguity and hope and, hopefully, enough faith.
— MeganPrestonMeyer
I feel like I’m coasting through life. I have so much abundance – I am definitely not a suffering servant. Am I serving? Whom? Is it enough?
Should I be doing more? Should I be doing something else? If so, what? And is that instead of or in addition to what I’m already doing? Is there one purpose, one right answer, and I just haven’t figured it out yet? Are there multiple purposes, some right for some times, and some right for others?
Is there even a plan for me, or am I on my own?
That’s the most terrifying question of all, and one that I don’t think I’ve even allowed myself to ask.
Of course there’s a plan, Megan. He knew you from your mother’s womb, he’s counted your hairs, all of that stuff… I’ve heard it all since Sunday School. Jesus loves every one of us (yeah but there are SO MANY PEOPLE). God knows each of us all intimately (yeah but does he CARE?). I know a lot of individuals, too, but I rarely even think about most of them, let alone actively contemplate their wellbeing.
It’s like a manager with too many direct reports… the squeaky wheel might get some grease, and the poor performers might get some discipline, but everyone else who’s doing okay doesn’t get a lot of mindspace. I’ve always been okay with that. I don’t like being micromanaged – but that’s by human bosses who may or may not even know what my job is, much less how to do it better.
God does know how to do my job better. I want more guidance. I want more training. I want to be micromanaged, because that would at least indicate that he knows who I am. It’s hard trying to do your best to be a good Christian without any sort of feedback whatsoever. I’m tired.
I’m tired today. I’m tired right now. It’s Holy Week and there’s pain and suffering in the world and I know that Easter is coming but Good Friday has to come first. My Good Friday will be appropriately somber, but will turn into celebration. Some people’s won’t. Jesus, the suffering servant, had something worth suffering for, and he knew it explicitly. That kept him going.
I’m not suffering, but if I ever do, I want that strength. I don’t know if I have it, because there’s no prophecy written about me. I don’t have a job description – I just have ambiguity and hope and, hopefully, enough faith.
— MeganPrestonMeyer
Beautifully expressed. Your vulnerability is a gift to me. I've often wished (fruitlessly) that God would write my next step in large letters across the sky. As I'm navigating through retirement, I'm facing many of the "what should I be doing, how much, where" questions.
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