Well, after a short YouTube interruption in which I realized that ‘church ASMR’ does not yield the type of results that I wanted to (repeated covering and uncovering of chalices doesn’t really set the mood the way you’d think it would), I settled on a background video called ‘Cathedral Library’. I’ve got chant, I’ve got something that I assume is a fire, I’ve got the industrious scratchings of a quill against parchment (might actually be a magic marker, but you know what, it doesn’t matter). I’m ready to write. Let’s get this Lenten obligation going!
The hardest thing to tell the truth about, huh? I’m not sure it’s a topic so much as a place – social media. [REDACTED in which I wobbled around some trite ‘we all lie on social media’ stuff]
Ugh. Boring. This doesn’t feel authentic. Why am I trying to write about some universal instance of lying? Is it to avoid talking about what *I* don’t tell the truth about? It probably is. I guess I should probably dig into that a little bit, though. Here goes: I don’t tell the truth about myself.
When someone asks me how things are going, I say “Great!” but don’t elaborate. When someone asks me what’s new, I say, “Oh, you know, not much,” because I don’t feel like listing everything.
But things are great, and I have a lot going on. A lot of why I don’t want to elaborate is because I don’t want to sound braggy or make other people feel bad. That’s not truthful. It’s not commission, sure, but it’s a Thing I Have Left Undone.
And not all of it is because I don’t want to make other people feel bad (not that that’s as noble a reason as I tell myself it is, anyway). Sometimes, it’s just because I don’t feel like it. It takes energy. It requires self-disclosure, which requires cognitive reserves, and it’s a lot easier to just deflect and ask the other person a question so that they have to do the hard work for forming sentences. Then I just get to sit back, smile, be deemed a ‘good listener,’ and come out ahead.
I should do some more thinking about this, but not right now. My Cathedral Library chant soundtrack is putting me to sleep and even the scribe has stopped his scratching. Time to push ‘Save’ on this parchment and call it a night.
— MeganPrestonMeyer
The hardest thing to tell the truth about, huh? I’m not sure it’s a topic so much as a place – social media. [REDACTED in which I wobbled around some trite ‘we all lie on social media’ stuff]
Ugh. Boring. This doesn’t feel authentic. Why am I trying to write about some universal instance of lying? Is it to avoid talking about what *I* don’t tell the truth about? It probably is. I guess I should probably dig into that a little bit, though. Here goes: I don’t tell the truth about myself.
When someone asks me how things are going, I say “Great!” but don’t elaborate. When someone asks me what’s new, I say, “Oh, you know, not much,” because I don’t feel like listing everything.
But things are great, and I have a lot going on. A lot of why I don’t want to elaborate is because I don’t want to sound braggy or make other people feel bad. That’s not truthful. It’s not commission, sure, but it’s a Thing I Have Left Undone.
And not all of it is because I don’t want to make other people feel bad (not that that’s as noble a reason as I tell myself it is, anyway). Sometimes, it’s just because I don’t feel like it. It takes energy. It requires self-disclosure, which requires cognitive reserves, and it’s a lot easier to just deflect and ask the other person a question so that they have to do the hard work for forming sentences. Then I just get to sit back, smile, be deemed a ‘good listener,’ and come out ahead.
I should do some more thinking about this, but not right now. My Cathedral Library chant soundtrack is putting me to sleep and even the scribe has stopped his scratching. Time to push ‘Save’ on this parchment and call it a night.
— MeganPrestonMeyer
I am loving your writing, how it reveals (or redacts!) your thinking as you go!
ReplyDelete--Kathleen (Babs)