I hate authority figures. No I don’t hate them but I find them innately distrustful. Anyone who has power will likely use it against me, because power makes you feel like you can manipulate with people and nothing will happen to you. In fact, I think that’s what power is, the ability to manipulate someone much more than they can manipulate you.
Anyways, it’s a problem because really what i should do is suck up to people in authority, make them like me so they will want to manipulate people and situations to benefit me. But that is not something I can do on a convincing level. Even when I try to wheedle I feel like I’m so see-thoughable, that it’s clear I’m being nice for a power play. It feels gross.
So instead I’m slightly mean to authority figures. I want to let them know I won’t fawn over them for favors, that the instead need to earn my respect.
This never works well. I’ve had very few bosses who liked me, mostly because they don’t get any wheedling, or yes-sirring. The bosses who did like me usually didn’t care about fawning, or they didn’t act like authority figures, they were easy to agree with.
Now I am the boss, and I had people yes, m’aming me and also fawning over me. And it’s sad to say it works, it really does feel like I’m saying lots of great things and great ideas because everyone I manage goes along with what I say. And this is a huge revelation. People do what a boss tells them to do. Interestingly enough I’ve never really done something because I’m told, I have to make sure there’s a real reason behind it, like this will truly help a project, or get a study moving.
Of course I’m not daft enough to tell a boss I won’t do something on principle, but instead I do it lousily, because I don’t see the point of exerting much effort. I don’t want to get fired for refusing to do something, but it’s really clear to me when I actually care about my work and I do a quality job, and when I’ve done a terrible job because my boss gave me busy work.
Oddly, I’ve now gotten to a point in my career where a lot of projects don’t seem that meaningful, I don’t feel like a study will truly elevate a field or even the company I work for. So how can i made sure I keep doing a good job? I guess it helps that the people who work under me are good at following directions. But am I giving them good directions? Why can’t they push back so I know if this project isn’t worthy. And maybe this is the tyranny of being an authority figure, that you are no longer sure of what’s really going on, because people agree with you.
Anyways, in an ideal world no one would be ruled by anyone else. Is this possible? Or maybe most people want to be ruled, and that’s the thing I can’t understand.
— siobhan
Anyways, it’s a problem because really what i should do is suck up to people in authority, make them like me so they will want to manipulate people and situations to benefit me. But that is not something I can do on a convincing level. Even when I try to wheedle I feel like I’m so see-thoughable, that it’s clear I’m being nice for a power play. It feels gross.
So instead I’m slightly mean to authority figures. I want to let them know I won’t fawn over them for favors, that the instead need to earn my respect.
This never works well. I’ve had very few bosses who liked me, mostly because they don’t get any wheedling, or yes-sirring. The bosses who did like me usually didn’t care about fawning, or they didn’t act like authority figures, they were easy to agree with.
Now I am the boss, and I had people yes, m’aming me and also fawning over me. And it’s sad to say it works, it really does feel like I’m saying lots of great things and great ideas because everyone I manage goes along with what I say. And this is a huge revelation. People do what a boss tells them to do. Interestingly enough I’ve never really done something because I’m told, I have to make sure there’s a real reason behind it, like this will truly help a project, or get a study moving.
Of course I’m not daft enough to tell a boss I won’t do something on principle, but instead I do it lousily, because I don’t see the point of exerting much effort. I don’t want to get fired for refusing to do something, but it’s really clear to me when I actually care about my work and I do a quality job, and when I’ve done a terrible job because my boss gave me busy work.
Oddly, I’ve now gotten to a point in my career where a lot of projects don’t seem that meaningful, I don’t feel like a study will truly elevate a field or even the company I work for. So how can i made sure I keep doing a good job? I guess it helps that the people who work under me are good at following directions. But am I giving them good directions? Why can’t they push back so I know if this project isn’t worthy. And maybe this is the tyranny of being an authority figure, that you are no longer sure of what’s really going on, because people agree with you.
Anyways, in an ideal world no one would be ruled by anyone else. Is this possible? Or maybe most people want to be ruled, and that’s the thing I can’t understand.
— siobhan
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